I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
