Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
