home. puking in laundry basket.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
