If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
