i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize