I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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