Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
