I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
