Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
