I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
