i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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