My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
