i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
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felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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