Please, let me fuck your mom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it because I queefed?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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