so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
me + whiskey = a bad person
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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