those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
this hospital has no fireball
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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