How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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