When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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