that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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