so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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