As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
