The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
