if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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