the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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