Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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