I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize