When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
