Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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