Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
