i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
