I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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