Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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