i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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