I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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