Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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