I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i think i just lost a toe
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
