hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
