The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.