I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.