Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.