he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper