Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

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(323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft

Replies (16) Good night (5606) Bad night (820)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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(717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t

Replies (53) Good night (950) Bad night (4880)
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(406): View more from Montana

we convinced you the moon was a planet...again

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(406): we convinced you the moon was a planet...again http://tfl.nu/tbv6

Replies (23) Good night (7251) Bad night (1072)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

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(856): dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/vsra

Replies (34) Good night (5874) Bad night (1292)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.

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(832): just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno. http://tfl.nu/xrvd

Replies (28) Good night (5864) Bad night (1239)
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(805): View more from California

we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

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(805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods

Replies (17) Good night (1132) Bad night (7994)
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(813): View more from Florida

right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.

(1-813): View more from Florida

only on the fourth of july.

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(813): right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming. (1-813): only on the fourth of july. http://tfl.nu/s13z

Replies (20) Good night (8106) Bad night (1326)
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(512): View more from Texas

he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"

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(512): he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear" http://tfl.nu/1ofq

Replies (5) Good night (1644) Bad night (679)
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(416): View more from Toronto

He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.

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(416): He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut. http://tfl.nu/vwy6

Replies (8) Good night (5226) Bad night (954)
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(559): View more from California

she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.

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(559): she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer. http://tfl.nu/y0m8

Replies (8) Good night (972) Bad night (2084)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?

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(601): You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench. (1-601): Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan? http://tfl.nu/mbl9

Replies (17) Good night (2171) Bad night (564)
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(850): View more from Florida

He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

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(850): He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really. (412): And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk http://tfl.nu/08bn

Replies (7) Good night (1770) Bad night (472)
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(310): View more from California

Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.

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(310): Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch. http://tfl.nu/am85

Replies (3) Good night (943) Bad night (422)
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(440): View more from Ohio

literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.

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(440): literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck. http://tfl.nu/514p

Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (465)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.

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(775): He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it. http://tfl.nu/09j3

Replies (9) Good night (755) Bad night (523)

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