she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.