There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
