'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.