evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.