i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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