How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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