Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
