You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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