It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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