my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
