I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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