Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
