and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
