Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
