could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
