All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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