i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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