What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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