from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
