he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
