Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
