For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
