Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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