puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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