You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
