My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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